LGBTQ+ Family Parenting Guide

There are more than one million same-sex couple households in the United States. The legislation regarding how they build their families however is still wanting, making it quite challenging for them to navigate having children, not just legally but financially as well. Having support groups and living in inclusive communities has made the journey for LGBTQ+ families a lot easier. In this article we shall be sharing some guidelines on parenting as an LGBTQ+ couple, and how to find the right support for yourselves as well as your children. 

Same-Sex Families

In the United States about 592,000 unmarried same-sex couple households were recorded by the Census Bureau, but by 2021, this number had just about doubled to over 1.2 million! This number has grown since then yet, significant as this figure may be, biases such as homophobia have historically created exclusion and public scrutiny, which make it challenging for these couples when it comes to marriage and family building. 

Same sex-couples and same-sex families have increasingly found acceptance as humanity continues to evolve. The family building options for same-sex couples have also broadened. Contrary to previously biased perspectives, studies have shown that children raised by same-sex parents do not fare any differently than children raised in heteronormative family settings. As well, the sexual orientation of any parent does not have a negative impact on a child’s development.

Challenges Facing LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

Laws and Regulations

United States federal law does not prevent same sex couples from building their families as they please, but some states have some regulations that can be restrictive. For example, 14 states permit child welfare agencies to refuse to give support services to the children and families of same sex couples, if giving this support is in conflict with the agencies’ religious beliefs. 

This means that whereas the state may allow same sex couples to have families, when these families seek assistance from child welfare agencies, and they encounter an agency whose religious beliefs do not support the LGBTQ+ lifestyle, the family can be denied crucial services they require. This makes it challenging for LGBTQ+ couples to even begin building their families because they may not get the support they need at the time they need it. When choosing where to live, it is crucial for LGBTQ+ couples to be clear on the laws that could impact their rights as parents, as well as their custody over their child or children. 

The Cost of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

Due to the fact that same sex couples cannot have children naturally, they have to rely on alternative family building methods. As a result, the family building costs for LGBTQ+ families are higher since the alternative methods for family building are costly. For example, assisted reproduction technology (ART) costs at least $20,000, while surrogacy costs are more than $60,000.

Additionally, LGBTQ+ couples require legal documentation to verify their parentage of their child, their parental rights as well as a birth certificate reflecting their familyhood. Thankfully, there are attorneys who specialize in Reproductive Law and handle cases that deal with  adoption, family building using ART, and surrogacy. The costs for these lawyers range between $100 and $500 per hour.

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

Parenting is a universal experience regardless of the type of family. Due to the responsibility of parenting, parents generally have concerns regarding the physical, emotional and mental well being of their children. There are many factors that come into play such as providing stable structures, teaching appropriate values, helping children develop healthy conflict resolution skills, not to mention medicare, education, socialization, among others.

In addition to the many responsibilities of parenting, LGBTQ+ families are frequently faced with cultural challenges from a traditionally heterosexist culture. Consequently, they have to constantly deal with biases, social stigma, lack of community support, and bullying. To add to this, some of these biases are used in court as precedence to restrict or deny parental custody, and adoption. As such, LGBTQ+ families need support groups, inclusive communities, and inclusive media to support them in their family building and parenting journey.

Support Groups

There are community centers in many cities that provide resources such as support groups and social events which are geared to LGBTQ+ parents and their children. As well, forums and support groups are available online whose primary focus is on LGBTQ+ parenting. These provide a community where families can get advice and share their experiences, creating bonds of friendship which allow them to grow their support network. 

Diverse TV and Books

Two key elements that support a child’s healthy development are being seen and accepted. When diverse media produce content that reflect same-sex families, it creates confidence in children regarding their family situation. As well, when society at large is open to these productions, it informs them, creating awareness, reduces bias and increases acceptance.

Examples of media that reflect diverse representation are:

• Modern Family (TV)
• Daddy, Pappa and Me (children’s book)
• Loud House (TV show)
• My Little Pony (Tv Show)
• The Family Book (picture book)
• A Plan for Pops (children’s book)

Check for Inclusivity

When enrolling your child or children into schools, kids’ clubs and other similar organizations and institutions check their policies regarding discrimination and inclusion before you enroll them. This way, you can ensure that the groups that your children are a part of are supportive and nurturing of your children and family structure. 

Therapy and Counselling

Another thing to consider is therapy because even with best efforts LBGTQ+ families still have fears and challenges as they go about their daily lives. As such, counseling is a great aid in helping these families work through the challenges they face. The good thing is that counselling is available in person as well as online, and there are many therapists who are able to support same-sex families in this way.

Additional Resources

In addition, there are organizations whose focus is supporting LGBTQ+ families in very specific ways. A few are listed below:

• The Trevor Project: Is a nonprofit whose focus is suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.
• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE)  helps the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): Educates and supports everyone who is a part of the life of a member of the sexual minority.
• Gay Parent Magazine:  Focuses on the experiences of LGBTQ+ families in international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, surrogacy, and more.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): Focuses on civil rights works toward achieving LGBTQ+ equality.
• Strong Family Alliance: provides support and resources to parents of LGBTQ+ children that are coming out.

In Conclusion      

Although LGBTQ+ families are faced with constant scrutiny and limited representation in the media, same-sex parents still raise their children with equal capacity as any other parent. Additionally, with the growth of the LGBTQ+ family, there has been an increase in the support and resources available to help them in their parenting journey. At Los Angeles Reproductive Center, we provide relevant family-building services for the LGBTQ+ community. Contact us today for more information.